Changed

People around me have been telling me that I've changed. This and that. The same repeated sentences that they think that they can say it a lot of times. Of course everyone have to change, its either they want themselves to be better or worse. Its their choice.

For me, its not something that I can choose. I want to avoid it if possible. Cause ever since young a lot of things happen to me and I don't wish for it to happen again. To my surprise, I do not realise that I learn things fast. I slowly understand the concept of reality. Not all expectations can be a fantasy. True enough, people say that you can't expect too much cause the higher the expectations, the more disappointments you get. Agree?

The comments that I get, the shit rumors spread around that is not even true, like why? What's your purpose out of it? Again I emphasize, what do you even get? Prize? More friends? More people to believe your shitty mouth rather than the truth? Or is it because you couldn't handle the fact that you're alone? But it doesn't matter now doesn't it? Cause the fact is, things already happened.

Changed is something that we all have and must to go through. We change for the good, for the bad, or just to change to see which you can adapt to for yourself. Keyword; for yourself. You don't change for people to get pleased just so you can see the smiles in their faces. The smile you should see is on yourself.

There are so many things I wish I could express in here. But I'm still figuring out how to. It is so terribly hard to let it out because the feelings that I'm going through is such a rollercoaster and unstable for others to understand me. The only thing people would ever only understand is that to see myself being in the state where I'm just heartbroken and sad. That's all. That is like the most simple equation that people would understand well at. But trust me, that is not the only emotion that I've felt.

I must admit that throughout this whole 2016, it has been a very very chaotic, troublesome, teary and super hard for me to deal with. No doubt. So many things happened in my life that I couldn't even get on track and instead of keeping myself on the path, I got astray and lost with confusion along the way. Why? I can't even answer.

I bet people are wondering what is wrong with me. I'll explain in the next few blogpost one by one. It's been so so long eversince I've touch and typed on this blog of mine. I always keep saying that I will do it and update it sometime soon but ended up falling asleep and forget about this dear diary of mine. Plus, prolly life isn't giving me the space that I needed to be doing this part time updates to keep up with myself.

What changed will I be talking about in this post? 2016 life. You will understand why. Keep reading my next few updated blogpost.

Love,
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