Burn-Fade Soul
Hey Guys!
I guess you guys are wondering why I wrote in that kind of format on the previous blog that I've recently updated. Easy to say; I'm trying out something new. I was thinking of writing a story in Wattpad (if you guys know what app is that, then good)
SIDETRACK:
What's Wattpad? It basically a world of books and definitely consist of many interesting stories posted up down there. I've read some them and honestly they're good and well-written.. Written by different,unique,creative, minded people. I respect them. Do download that app if you're the kind who loves to read :)
ANYWAYS...
I've heard and read a lot of common questions by people asking what happened to me lately? Reasons why have I not been consistently updating my blogs? How's my well-being? And of course words of encouragements by the people who cares alot for me.
Firstly, thank you for showing your concerns. I'm so touched and blessed.
Secondly, I've not been well lately and I'm currently in a unstable emotion state(especially)
But overall, yes, I'm fine. I'm still breathing, and blessed to be alive. Really.
BURN-FADE SOUL:
I don't know how to start but, one thing is; unstable is the only one word that best describes me.
Lately, things have been shitty for me. Things that I don't expect it to happen, happened. I wouldn't wanna complain that much but its something that hits me so damn hard. Till the fact that it took me many weeks for me to recover from all of this. And honestly up till now, it bothers me. Never leaves. Usually it took me days to be okay or better; only a few hours to BE okay.
What about it? I can't tell that much. Sigh. Its really hard. I wished it was easy but no. Never. What kind? Heartbreaks is one of them. Insecurities, negativity, many things in which I'm tired to list all of them down. But to summarize it, I'm surrounded by negativity almost every time. Yes I know, the irony. That I advised some people to stay positive and smile. Yes. I did the same. But come on, you don't expect it be fine 24/7. There are times where things can get really out of hand and shitty so all you can do is to rant or cry right?
While being helpless especially. I mean this is the only place for me express my rantings. Who would want to listen. I know alot of people is going through the same as me. And I didn't even mention that my problems is the most worst out of all of you, did I?
Lately, I'm not being myself. In terms of everything. Like the way I behave or how I perceive things. Its really negative. Staring into space more, loss of appetite, not in ease, can't fall asleep when I'm supposed to, being more quiet, tend to keep my thoughts to myself more, not as active as before, my fingers turn blue when I'm freezing, recent fights, insecurities with myself. Oh gosh... I don't know how to feel right now. Too much for me... ;(
I know all these are the most norms, but all at one shot... sigh. Its just tiring. It feels like my soul is slowly being taken away. Literally. It hurts and at the same time it really saddening to be felt this way. Its not something you should be happy about either. Each moment I take a breath in, simply brings my chest down. One moment I was okay. But then the next I'm not. I was down on my knees waiting for people to bring me up. Lighten me. Covered my face because I wasn't enough of something. Tears flow because I couldn't stop blaming myself for every single mistakes that I did. Heartaches because it gets heavier each time. Grieving because its too much to swallow all of it in at one go. Feeling negative because everything has changed. And its not something as the same as before now..
I guess you guys are wondering why I wrote in that kind of format on the previous blog that I've recently updated. Easy to say; I'm trying out something new. I was thinking of writing a story in Wattpad (if you guys know what app is that, then good)
SIDETRACK:
What's Wattpad? It basically a world of books and definitely consist of many interesting stories posted up down there. I've read some them and honestly they're good and well-written.. Written by different,unique,creative, minded people. I respect them. Do download that app if you're the kind who loves to read :)
ANYWAYS...
I've heard and read a lot of common questions by people asking what happened to me lately? Reasons why have I not been consistently updating my blogs? How's my well-being? And of course words of encouragements by the people who cares alot for me.
Firstly, thank you for showing your concerns. I'm so touched and blessed.
Secondly, I've not been well lately and I'm currently in a unstable emotion state(especially)
But overall, yes, I'm fine. I'm still breathing, and blessed to be alive. Really.
BURN-FADE SOUL:
I don't know how to start but, one thing is; unstable is the only one word that best describes me.
Lately, things have been shitty for me. Things that I don't expect it to happen, happened. I wouldn't wanna complain that much but its something that hits me so damn hard. Till the fact that it took me many weeks for me to recover from all of this. And honestly up till now, it bothers me. Never leaves. Usually it took me days to be okay or better; only a few hours to BE okay.
What about it? I can't tell that much. Sigh. Its really hard. I wished it was easy but no. Never. What kind? Heartbreaks is one of them. Insecurities, negativity, many things in which I'm tired to list all of them down. But to summarize it, I'm surrounded by negativity almost every time. Yes I know, the irony. That I advised some people to stay positive and smile. Yes. I did the same. But come on, you don't expect it be fine 24/7. There are times where things can get really out of hand and shitty so all you can do is to rant or cry right?
While being helpless especially. I mean this is the only place for me express my rantings. Who would want to listen. I know alot of people is going through the same as me. And I didn't even mention that my problems is the most worst out of all of you, did I?
Lately, I'm not being myself. In terms of everything. Like the way I behave or how I perceive things. Its really negative. Staring into space more, loss of appetite, not in ease, can't fall asleep when I'm supposed to, being more quiet, tend to keep my thoughts to myself more, not as active as before, my fingers turn blue when I'm freezing, recent fights, insecurities with myself. Oh gosh... I don't know how to feel right now. Too much for me... ;(
I know all these are the most norms, but all at one shot... sigh. Its just tiring. It feels like my soul is slowly being taken away. Literally. It hurts and at the same time it really saddening to be felt this way. Its not something you should be happy about either. Each moment I take a breath in, simply brings my chest down. One moment I was okay. But then the next I'm not. I was down on my knees waiting for people to bring me up. Lighten me. Covered my face because I wasn't enough of something. Tears flow because I couldn't stop blaming myself for every single mistakes that I did. Heartaches because it gets heavier each time. Grieving because its too much to swallow all of it in at one go. Feeling negative because everything has changed. And its not something as the same as before now..
Sigh... Like people say... "Nothing lasts forever"
But then again, we all have to adapt to the changes made. Its not something where it stays forever. It'll never be the same again. I kept telling myself that numbness will heal. Pain will recover. Smile will be back again. But then shits always happen. I guess its not my time to be happy now. Or maybe its the time where nothing is easy
How sad it is to be seeing myself keeping quiet all the time, self-cornered and not trying the best that I can to be okay. The fact that nothing isnt the same anymore... I kept humming to myself, stare into space more, thinking when will i ever be okay or happy, chest full of grieves because there's nothing to be felt. I couldnt feel.... I hated myself more each day seeing myself in this state of loss.... Its really sad but thats just me... I guess.. I just want to smile sincerely and to feel the light in me.
Pray for the best in me... I'll update soon...
Love,
Swxxtrxvxngx
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