Stand and Break

Part I

Stared into space. Thinking what to do with the life you have. To have laughter everywhere? Happiness? All that, will take months or probably years for that to happen. Empty, cold, fragile, grieves; everywhere. Mind consuming. Negativity never leaves but you tried so hard to forget that. Pain stabs you. It keeps coming back. Yet you told yourself that its okay.

Breathe in. Close your eyes. Inviting peace. And at the same time, chest gets heavy; filled with grieves and aches. That one second within the breathing, you can feel your heartbeat. Pounding in pain. It never leaves your soul. Exhale with no relief, no sense of calmness. Yet you told yourself again that its okay.

Its a cycle. 24/7. It keeps on repeating and repeating all over again. How many times you have to face this. Shattered; lost in confusion. Every breath you take seems like a burden. The more you breathe, the more pain it gets when you think about it. Why? But at the end of the day, you still tell yourself that its okay to go through this. Again.

So you choose to shut your eyes and think for a second while sharp pain stings in between your eyelids and your eyeballs. Ouch. Then comes seconds later, it was sealed with a soothing coverage;

That precious tears. Which heals all the pain but never runs out. It keeps flowing. And at the same time, you ask yourself, what did I even do to deserve all this pain? Those anchors which pulls you so deep. In a state where you were left with a weak soul. Helpless.

You look up. With your eyes sore, tired and weak. Letting your cheeks smudge with your precious "water-emotions" everywhere. On your knees, in sorrow, its like as if your soul is being slowly heated up and be fading away, along with the steam. That burning unsatisfied soul. You don't wanna look weak. Neither you want people to know about what has happened to you.

To be continued.....