Indecisive

It's been a long time since I've updated my blog.

So today's blog, its about being indecisive. Let's start;

It never easy. To be in a position where you find yourself stuck in the middle of no where. But in this case, it isn't about a choice that you have to make. Its about the emotions. I'm pretty sure some of you people had been through in these kinds of situations before. Where most of you say; i'm confused or lost. Either one. I mean it happens often. Not to worry, you're not the only person who've felt this way.

Simply to say, it sucks. Right? Because you can't choose. And you're afraid that you'll make the wrong decisions. Who doesn't ? Like, there's so many "choices". Tell you what;

Imagine that your heart and brain is a...... puzzle. Everything is broken into pieces am I right? And the game, is to put all of it together so that you can see the final picture. So... try to replace the "final picture" into "happiness" do you still get what i'm trying to say? no? I'll explain...

You try to put one piece together with the other, but one doesn't fit well because its out of shape. So you decide to look for another shape that fits perfectly. But you still can't. You keep choosing and fitting them but none of  it fits. And then finally, you found it. It finally fits. And you continue to shape the whole puzzle until its perfectly done. And when its done you are damn proud of your accomplishments and you never wanna discard them nor take it out back. Here's the explanation behind this;

You start off your life as simple as it is. Innocent, small. As you grow older, things in life changes. You face so many challenges/friends/ups and downs. You've tried your ways to turn the table around and make things better for yourself. But maybe life isn't helping you at all for now. So now, in terms of friends,  you meet alot of new people but people wrecked the shit out of you and start to leave. Some will stay and give you happiness. And that, you'll treasure them. So it continues all the way.

But imagine, one day, one by one leaves... Its like slowly you're losing the whole picture and that picture is gonna take away your happiness silently. Silent but kills. You're trying to find a way to get back the pieces together again because you don't wanna fill your life up half empty feeling. It sucks at the same time.

But lets get back to reality. It bothers me when people say "oh you must be popular. So lucky. I wonder how if feels to be like that. Isit good?" Etc... Don't. Just don't... You may think its a compliment for that person you're giving to but actually that person who has to take it all in don't feel the same way as what you think it is. Its a whole lot of different thing. Its scary. I mean not on popular based. In general i mean. Its scary. Its more of a silent kill. It hurts. It contradicts everything. There's a reason behind it why.

You try to distance yourself away from everything but at the same you're trying to protect the people you love so much. You don't wanna lose them either. You treasure them but its hard cause its never easy. Different feelings, different ways to care. Different perspective. Different ways of showing. Not easy at all. You wanna be happy everywhere. Spreading the smile and love. But there seems to be some small little barriers against you in between your happiness. You are free but you are not totally free in everything. There seems to be something to stop you from it.

Why? close your eyes and think. Calm yourself down but you couldn't and yet you still feel bothered by things. There's always that something that gonna bother you. You're tired to think bout it but you still wanna show that you care. You just dont want to give up. But you are mentally tired of it. Why must i fight for the things when in the end its gonna hurt?

Which is one of the reasons why people just have to be indecisive. Because things are not easy to handle. Because you're handling with feelings. And feelings are not meant to be played with in the first place. You're suppose to treasure them always. You need to prove it. But its never easy showing. Indecisive because life is complicated and full of contrast. Because being indecisive turns you into a person whose life is full of silent trauma kills living under those unexpected happiness...