Purest Love - Part 1

[ Ill-Favored, Beguiling Love ]

Welcome.

Let me start with how I ended up creating something that's far beyond my expectations.

Be it physically in the real world or even just in my intentions of my imaginations.

It is entirely up to you to believe the stories behind these specific artwork.

Because to me, it turned out something so beautiful yet wrapped with all kinds of pains it has brought upon me. Unknowingly. Surprisingly. It is also entirely up to you to believe in faith and hope on the craft that I've made. And if you do, I thank you. Not only does my craft means so much to me. It also serves me as the greatest memory I could ever have in my life. Which I will forever cherish and treasure them with no hesitation. If you don't believe in whatever I've written in here, I thank you still. For taking the time and effort to read. I appreciate that. But I hope when you read all of this, it'll open your heart to keep believing. 

Let's begin shall we?

But first, you must know what my artwork contains its meaning to...

Personally, before you want to start off something, you must have at least an intention to do it. Think of anything; Like... Whats your inspiration? What kinds of ideas you have in mind? What do you wanna achieve at the end of the day with your end product? What leads you to it in the first place? Because if you don't have any idea of what you are gonna gracefully paint/write/draw etc. I don't think the end of product would mean anything at all. Like it would be a zero impact. Well, you get the idea.

So this was what I intended;

I was feeling very low of myself. Bummed out by many of the things around me. I felt so lonely that I needed someone and I couldn't, just yet. Take note that I am a very hopeful person and that I never give up.  Not sure if that's a good thing to be like that always or not but I always have hope in everything. Even in the impossible. Back to the story: Before I begin with my upcoming piece, my intentions of my craft was to have a story in it. And what would that be?

To be able to find someone who will love me in the ways that I truly deserve.

But, not all love story comes with a happy ending. Here comes the plot twist;

We are not allowed to be together due to our own personal demon/troubles.

& It was named: ILL-BEGUILING LOVE

for a very simple specific reason...

Now pay attention to the little details.

Ill-Beguiling love meant as Ugliest Beauty

Two hands represents the individuals = Me(right) & Him(left)

The flowers? A representation of all our troubles/demons. Being an obstacle.

Why Sunflowers & Roses you might ask?

They compliment each other don't they?

Roses are my most FAVORITE flower among all. Doesn't matter what color it has. But it represents me. My interest, my soul, my admiration for the Rose itself. Agreeing that the Roses always goes well with the Sunflower, I was hoping that you would get the message by now.

And yes. I wanted to find someone who represents it. Someone who would look at his Sunflower the same way I looked at my Roses.

If up until now you still have yet to figure out what I meant by all this interpretation, keep on reading. You'll find out the rest of the story about my masterpiece and how it links with my life.
And maybe once you're done reading it, I encourage you to look back at my drawings.
Then tell me how you'd feel about it.
:)

Let's name this person H. We met through social media and more specifically through Instagram. Yeah I know that's kinda cliche nowadays. To find someone through the Internet. I would say that he wasn't the typical kind of person who would randomly DM me and be all flirty. No. We started talking with each other for months but it was always on and off. Because to me, I understand that we both are just mutual online friends. Nothing more. Few months has passed. A lot of shit happened in between and because of that, I was down at my lowest. I had no one to turn to. Instantly, I thought of H. To see if he could help me understand his point of view. So we talked and eventually we both have closure of the situation. While we're at it, we somehow... clicked.

Our interest, our sayings, the way we joke about and all those late night thoughts. The way we see life and sharing our goals together. We felt connected on the same level. I find that strange because the feeling that I get, isn't something normal. I felt like I was so so close to him and it felt like he was the missing piece that I needed in my life. When we finally had our first phone call, the moment I heard his voice, strange enough, I felt calm. So calm that I actually forget all my troubles in the world. Again, I told myself "How strange?" I told him truthfully bout the way I felt. About how I legitimately felt so connected to him without him being able to do anything yet. He acknowledge it and he told me that he strangely felt the same.

I do not know how to put these feelings into words. But I must say that the connection we've had is way out of our own expectations. Like it really took us by a HUGE surprise. And I'm telling you; if you happen to feel this kind of way one day, do NOT ever let that chance slipped and be washed away. Occurrence like this don't come by often everyday. It sometimes amazes me how God works in mysterious ways. Whether you've asked for it or not. Wanna know why I said that?

When we both started talking about a whole lot of things in our lives;

Us, family, our goals, our past and about the future. In between, we both found out some VERY interesting stuffs about us as individuals. Here are some of the things that we have in common:

• We're both are left handed.
• We had the same fracture on one of our fingers on the same side of hand.
•  We almost looked the same (I can't expose his face here or anywhere of course but its something I find it rare to believe in too)
• The palms of our hands are of the same exact size (weird but interesting enough)

and lastly...

I told him that my favorite flower was a Rose and he mentioned that his favorite was a Sunflower.

I know some of you might say that "oh anyone could love a Sunflower too" "anyone could have the same amount of interest on a certain things like you do"

Yes I'm aware of that. Like I mentioned above; the kind of connection we both had was a very very different meaning than the usual typical kind. And yes, I do believe in hope and I have faith.

You'll understand and you'll know it when you feel it one day.

I told him about my artwork which lead him into being shocked too. He thought it was all a coincidence and that it was one of the signs that maybe things will work out for us both one fine day. Coming from someone who also believes in hope. We grew fond of each other. Treasuring each and every seconds of it whenever we get the chance to talk or meet.

Life became so good and pure as we both started to embrace each other existence and cherish every moment of it. Of course there are rocky roads in between. But its all part and parcels of life trials.

Happily enough, we both fell in love with each other. Things became serious and we began to show the deep darker sides of us both. No we didn't argue much. Argument was a small thing. But whats worse than that, was showing how our own little witty demon takes control of us in the late night mornings. The thoughts, the insecurities. You name it. All kinds. We both had them. We both tried our very best to soothe one another. Help and be effective to support us emotionally and mentally. Yet, it wasn't enough. The distractions it has caused, made us realized so quickly that we had to have a talk and fix it.

It wasn't easy coming on with the solutions that's being panned out. Neither one of the ideas that we had were both good enough to have a closure for us. Our feelings(negative) starts to get in the way. We became so easily agitated with our own worries. We both couldn't managed ourselves on our own. It went down on a spiral for the both of us and that's when I knew, our journey will have to come to an end.

Of course I couldn't go into much details about what had happened between the both of us. Most of it here, I just want to instill the good memories because I truly cherished all those moments we both had. The love we had for each other? It was one of the most beautiful feeling I've ever had in my life.

Despite the trials I have to face back then before I met him, all my troubles and worries, were being swept away by having H's existence in my life. And I dare say; that he has made a huge impact in my life because he made me understand and see the bigger picture of this cruel, temporary world. How to always take every seconds of life with appreciation and with much acceptance. That everything in life here, always happens for a reason.

Due to all these unfortunate circumstances, it very well lead me to a path where I was in the state of  pain.

Why?

For that, you might have to move on to the next blog post for you to find out.

You still don't get the picture yet after reading this entire story of me and him?

You couldn't figure out what it exactly has to do with my artwork?

Well...

Allow me to explain the magic of my craft:

Its about the story of two lovers whereby fate has brought them together. Bridging their worlds to collide into one, getting the happiness that they deserve of and made it seem that the impossible becomes possible. But behind that, is where temporary and stained ill fate lies. Flowers that wrapped up their reputation becomes an illusion of what is truly hidden beneath them. Whether it becomes a realization or not, it was one of the ways to hinder them. Separate them. Making it impossible for the two lovers to touch into each other's world. Bringing the weak heart along with her, that puts up a strong facade; pretending to blend in like it was just any other ordinary troubles. Only to have made her drove into a gloomy's end, lowering her pride and watches herself turn cold and colorless. Having to remember the beautiful moments of her purest love with him...

 as her dull, greatest memory.

And you know what's the magic of it?

It came to life.