Tired

That feeling where you just don't know and unsure of yourself. Where you don't know if you really belong to the world. Or you just feel like as if you bother people just by your existence. Sucks right? Yea it is. Very much. And now I would like to ask, what's it like to be so alone in the world? Where you can't find anyone standing right next to you and save you from drowning into the sea of regrets and troubles? All those nightmares you've had in your sleep. All those criticisms that you get whenever you publicize something into the internet. What does it even feel like? Happy? Proud? Hah. I bet not. Its hard to handle right? Hurtful? It is.

Well for me, I guess it's just something normal as day goes by. Where there will be bound to have all the hatred and critics everywhere. Of course, not only hatred is what you'll get. Obviously there's more to come. But look on the bright side, there's someone out there where people that matters alot to you in your life. There will always be someone who comes up to you and understands you well enough more than anyone else. Who stands up for you in your sinking moments. Where you'll be in need of desperation for help. Who has stood by you all this while...

Yes, it might feel great to have someone who's there for you physically and maybe sometimes emotionally...but only some people. Not all people can understand and really feel what you are going through because they have never been through like what you did before. That's why. They don't know anything in-depth about yourself. They never will understand you deeply unless they've gone through it. There are some people out there who are proud and boastful about what they've gone through and act so "professionally". Then out of no where.. boastfully want to give "great" advice to those in need. These people are somewhat half lonely half happy and half depressed. But can say its mostly suffering from loneliness which've caused them to be like that.

You can't blame anyone if he/she is already like that. Sometimes these people are really lonely and would just want to open up to you and share their problems or their secrets. Desperately need to. Something like that. But hey, I write this blog to just express my feelings and thoughts.Thoughts that I've been keeping or been wanting to share.I mean I don't purposely want to let the whole world to know about my problems and my in-depth life problems of mine. There will be times where I'll really share. But not all. It depends too ya' know.

And yes, I don't write all this just to get famous or to pretend like as if I DO know about everything. no. When it comes to feelings, I wouldn't lie about it. When it's just there, it means.. it's just there. Hard to explain it too. It's hard to accept the fact that nowadays, it's just so hard to find someone who can be there for you and be you avid listener and to constantly cheer you up and giving you advices. It's hard to find someone who can be patient with your stupid rants,cries,harsh words or even your theatrical life. whatever it is. It's just hard to find someone who can really really really tolerate your hard fucked up attitude.Too hard. But you can't always expect people to be always be there for you and always prioritize your feelings first. Its not fair at all for them. They have feelings too. They're also human. And just try to imagine that if you keep talking about your problems to him/her and you never even lend a single ear for his/hers, what if one day they left the world first? They left you alone. I'm pretty sure you're only left with regrets and cries because to know that you're too late to ask what happen. What caused her/his to be like that. By then it's already too late. And there's always a reason why people always say and advice to never take things for granted.

Tired. Mentally. Emotionally.

There's different meanings to it, simple to say. A little bit mix of funny emotions. But it all has got to do with your mentality. The way you think can simply distract you and steer you away from the reality world. Till the extend where You'll forget how to calm yourself down. Likewise, its never easy. People make it look like its damn easy enough to do so but to tell you the truth, its not. lol. Easier said than done. And nobody even knows the truth about it. The real thing. Where people can only ask ''are you okay?'' and then that's it. nobody even bothers to know really why. It's just sad to see.

Till then, you feel depressed, sad, angry, cries, sorrows, hurt, agitated, hatred. All those, under one theme. Over thinking .Too much of it. Life already has it's ups and downs. Deep shits. Troubles. Lost soul of yourself. But when it comes to the outside world, only a simple yet painful thing you can only do is to smile. That's all it takes. A simple, hurtful crying smile. To show the world that everything had went smoothly as it expects. But a smile is like a propaganda. A hidden message. A hidden truth behind every lies. With just one simple sentence that makes it look complete and safe; ''it's okay, I'm fine''

Outside world has deceived us many things. It has been. Having to be affected by all this, but yet people don't know anything about it. You'll see how much fog-ness is has been blinded by the world. And until again... nobody knows it.. nobody understands....